Tubby's SCO Limerick Log
as published by TubbyBubba in the Yahoo! SCOX message forum.
By way of explanation, I started this file of limericks to help me
avoid repeating myself.
I also posted a couple jokes.
From underneath Mt. Timpanogos
came copyright claims that were bogus.
SCO thought they'd be racing,
and showing or placing,
but they're at the start, limp, and no gas.
Executive-wannabe jocks
converted the symbol to SCOX,
then sued for a series
of copyright theories
they read off a Cracker Jack box.
"Five billion in damages!" sang
Caldera's executive gang
"We'll show them the code,
this stock will explode!"
But only the gavel went bang.
Then came an astute paralegal
who tracked down the lies like a beagle.
SCO talks till they're blue,
feeling like a statue,
while Groklaw's the overfed seagull.
In Lindon, a former Boy Scout
supposed he appeared so devout:
He figured he'd save
only Cheerful and Brave;
and Trustworthy, et al. leave out.
When Darl was so proud of his lie
to get Linus' piece of the pie,
Ralph said, don't be billing
For amateur shilling
call Ken Brown at ADTI.
When SCO couldn't keep up the hype,
their counsel proceeded to gripe,
"The case is a goner,
And Wells, we can't con her,
so give us a hit off that PIPE.
With claims that were so artificial,
spectacular antics judicial
still left the deal dicey
for Boies, Hatch, and Heise
whose loss will be shortly official.
Conference Call
Though one thousand five-hundred pestered,
the SCOSource initiative festered.
SCO yells, "take a looky
at Chewbacca the Wookiee!"
while laying their quarterly press turd.
Suspected it wasn't germane,
the wookiee was shaved of its mane.
When off came the fluff,
it wasn't so tough,
'twas only a rat on Rogaine.
A nut case from off of the farm
claimed penguins were doing him harm.
A paranoid thought,
inspired by aught
but the ego behind his firearm.
With bodyguards in place to shun
a threat, histrionically spun,
things quickly went south
when Darl shot off his mouth,
without even pulling his gun.
Although his announcements were heady,
Darl's marksmanship wasn't so steady.
Traditions require
a "Ready! Aim! Fire!"
but SCO showed us "Fire! Aim! Not Ready!"
McBride thought he's free as a starling
'till SEC boys grab him, snarling:
"Those particular'll
still call your name Darl,
but in jail, you're somebody's darling."
SCOForum 2004:
While Darl was emoting at SCOForum
and Enderle's logic scored oh-for-one,
An incoming missile
for outright dismissal
was dealing a nuclear blow for 'em.
With metaphors rather than facts,
Darl mounted his counterattacks.
"Stop that runaway train!"
(Or I'll have to explain
why I'm out in front, tied to the tracks.)
The GPL Troller:
In Terekhov versus the Feds,
the doctrine of first sale is plead:
I sold each new license,
that I didn't buy, since
the time I stopped taking my meds.
Though Terekhov argues with cheek,
the outlook for Alex is bleak.
The judge says, "It's rubbish,
you cannot republish
a thousand first sales every week."
IP Law Angst:
This Lim'rick is copyright me
trademarked, scatologically,
for I never can quit
making trade secret shit,
with my patented process IP.
A voice from the Aussie outback
exhaled from his pipe full of crack:
We're making a buck,
and SCO's broken the duck.
So why are we hearing that quack?
The strip-tease of SCO made some squeal
for code they might never reveal.
The court is incredulous
as SCO requests, "Schedule us
for an even more sexy appeal."
Aug 04 Conference Call:
Protecting the Canopy clans,
theatrical poison-pill plans
were made for the shares
where nobody cares,
except for Ralph, Darl, Chris, & fans.
Though Darl and his lackey asserted
a hostile takeover averted,
the analysts laughed
at the noise from his aft,
since that's where his head was inserted.
And questioning Darl and his minion,
the analysts prodded them in fun,
"Pretended euphoria
won't play in Peoria,
and get a new legal opinion!"
A graphic scam artist named Yarro
sought wealth, be it beg, steal, or borrow.
But it seems Baystar's deal
was first borrow, then steal
with the bag-holders begging tomorrow.
AZO Hearing:
Judge Jones heard a motion one day,
To make Canopy put up or stay.
But how did they know
That stay would mean go?
No wonder Jones' dog won't obey.
Though Autozone fervently tried
the Judge in Nevada replied,
"You have my permission
for SCO to go fishin',
Emergency motion denied."
Scheduling Memo, Sept 2004
While PSJ counterclaims press,
and contract claims under duress,
they cut to the chase
and argue their case
in a scheduling memo, no less.
With 83 pages of blather.
SCO works itself into a lather.
It's not SCO who has lied:
every word's bona fide,
it's even approved by Dan Rather.
Imagining miscegenation,
and character assassination
revealed on a socket,
but sealed on the docket.
Whose mentis has contamination?
A Non-Expert Expert:
With Sontag's submission redone,
citing federal rule seven-oh-one,
I wonder, can Hatch
his dignity patch?
but I ain't no senator's son
Sept 15 2004 Hearing:
With multiple tries to re-venue us
and pleading discovery strenuous
to back crazy notions
they go through the motions
and show us just who's disingenuous.
When losing the game of roulette,
Hatch said with a hint of a fret,
"Our high priced debater
will handle that later."
(Or pray that the judge will forget.)
According to Frederick Frei,
they checked code in days gone by,
but Big Blue has grounds
for releasing the hounds,
while SCO lets their sleeping dogs "lie".
Though lawyers for SCO went to sleep,
the judge saw them digging in deep.
It's under advisement:
he'll see what their lies meant
and soon they will read it and weep.
'Till onlookers felt quite dyspeptic,
SCO arguments fell on a skeptic
from the guy with the chart,
and the senator's fart,
the stand-up, and the narcoleptic.
With no Linux taxes imposed
King Darl had his falsehoods exposed,
and we overhear
the time's drawing near
when royalty will be deposed.
With assets of SCO down the sluice,
employees will soon be turned loose.
But we won't have licked'em,
until we convict'em
of Securities Fraud and Abuse.
SCO says IBM must divine
Infringing code, line upon line.
The CEO's lies
were made about tries
that failed back in '99.
Since Darl started spewing that crock,
the time is run out on the clock
to prove the deriving:
Now guess what's deep-diving?
The value of S-C-O stock.
And how we all think it is odd
a Utahn who learned about God
would steal what a Finn done,
like Osama bin "Lindon",
to start this unholy jihad?
Oct 1 2004 (St Helen's Eruption):
While Microsoft's market share tumbled,
A volcano in Washington rumbled:
A mountainside where a
collapsing Caldera
reminds them that all can be humbled.
stats_for_all
Under Canopy's jungle growth we see
a particular blood-sucking specie --
ephemeral fools
that wallow in pools
collected because they're so greasy.
A biologist watching the lair
was using a web to ensnare:
exposed to the light,
they scurry with fright
and shrivel with legs in the air.
Two things that get under the skin o' me
although they may seem an antinomy,
are liars and rats
love making up stats,
yet stats is a liar's worst enemy.
br3n
You might think that she's out of place,
maturing with technical grace:
she gets in the heart
of the honest and smart,
the others, she gets in their face.
If after this earth's melodrama
Darl wants to see heavn's panorama
he'll find it policed
by teachers he fleeced,
and a saucy, sweet, open-source grandma.
Caldera had little cash left,
and copyrights vague or bereft,
and rewrote their hist'ry
so few solve the myst'ry
of business identity theft.
When Utah's good name they do taint,
by filing a baseless complaint,
they're perpetuatin'
a bargain with Satan
for partners with angels they ain't.
The parent hoods scheming for years
get papers, confirming their fears:
They won't miss the furies
of fed'ral grand juries.
The corporate veil is pierced, dears.
"Proh-Scoh" vs. "pRoscoe"
SCO thinks their website can out-yell
the public that truly can tell
that amateur liars
may pass through heck's fires,
while all of the ProSco to hell.
SCO's website will fail to refute
the truth, then become destitute.
The owners, in hock, will
combine it with Toqueville,
creating a cheap Prosco-Tute.
Some like a benevolent czar,
but others would rather by far
be falsely decreed "troll"
in PJ's cathedral,
than miss out on Yahoo's bazaar.
Infringing IP mountaineers
made prospecting their new careers
by panning the gold
from a river they sold
when they were still called engineers.
Third Amended
Since Wells would not let them explore
from baseless complaints, three times swore,
they'll change their complaining
until they're obtaining
the code that they couldn't before.
Discovery abuse monomania
is SCO's coming plan to entertain ya:
they might not detect some
code using a checksum,
so give them a few man-millennia.
Mentioning crack is unfair o' ya,
explaining SCO's vivid hysteria,
for some are more keen
on raw mescaline,
which seems to be used in that area.
This Microsoft's own loyal servant
is infamous to the observant.
Report him with candor,
he'll sue you for slander
and trying, his face to preserve, can't.
He's Acris from the bench in debate
Rana mock while they adjudicate
such Pseudacris claims
without knowing names --
Hyla lawyer Bufo it's too late!
So after we gave him some tips,
the plaintiff kept sinking his ships.
It wasn't so good
he misunderstood
when he was told, "Button your lips.."
Halloween
When Dr. Ralph Frankenstein tried
assembling the monsters McBride,
he left a loose bolt
then gave it a jolt
and everyone screamed "It's a-lied!"
From Unix's abandoned seller,
the monster began then to beller
expounding the fallacies
of spectre'l analyses
that make him the next Rockefeller.
The copyrights, desiderata
were given less doubt than they ought'a
by count Didio
and ghoul Maureen O'
who screeched like Bach's organ toccata.
Then thinking that luck would exempt her,
the bag holder caved to the tempter
with wrists in the stocks
while everyone mocks
reminding her, "Caveat emptor."
The penguin flock arrived to thwart
misrepresentations in court
with torches and pitchforks
constructing kite networks,
preventing both tort and retort.
The monster was writhing in pain
whenever the facts were germane
then rang the report
of silver bullets in court:
"He simply was rattling our chain."
So Canopy's Halloween FUD
wound up like a B-movie dud,
but it was spectacula'
for even Count Dracula
could never have sucked so much blood.
w/ thanks to Tim Ransom.
SCOINFO.COM Launch
SCO's ultimate website production
works just like their legal obstruction:
The old name was wiped,
the site's over-hyped,
and facts are still "Under Construction."
Election Day
The smart folks of Utah, collectively,
can correct our problems effectively:
For Hatch and his kid
hope for the stupid
in voters and juries, respectively.
BS&F
When SCO implicated the theft
from UNIX to GNU copyleft,
their plot was dispatched
only partially Hatch'd
but totally B.S. & F'd.
w/ thanks to hgc
Daimler suit
SCO orders from customer firms
compliance with unfounded terms
by some made-up date,
and if they are late,
they sue and won't talk to such worms.
In Michigan, Judge Rae rejects
SCO's lawsuit, in most all respects.
To the remnant, she'll state,
"Though compliance was late,
de minimis non curat lex."
Next thing, we hear Stowell begin
in commemorating the win:
"We made them comply!"
as he started to fly
from either hot air, or the spin.
The Home Depo-sition
SCO Group's engineering mouthpiece
some pertinent fact might release.
That day is approaching
so wrap up your coaching
the Expert of Inexpertise.
Now Chris would prefer to outwit
the Nazgul before their visit:
We'll let him save time
and a few billion dimes
with this Do-It-At-Home-Depo Kit.®
Just start with a comfortable chair,
removing the cushions with care.
Then apply broken glass,
and douse it with gas,
and land with your pink backside bare.
w4rmcat
The searches here are inexact
and patterns are hard to extract
Though most would ignore'em
these flaws in our forum
became w4rmcat's reason to act.
With evidence scraped from the crime,
assembled again in realtime,
the graphs indicated
the shills that were "paided"
and those trolling on their own dime.
So early and often's the mode
for timely and functional code
and although Yahoeuvre
won't hang in the Louvre
I think it deserves this here ode.
w/ many thanks to Andy.
Ray Noorda had money to burn,
And losing the mind to discern
Latitude in the art
Posted as the org-chart,
He would otherwise feel some concern.
You never can tell who will be
A ruthlessly cold employee:
Running off your own young,
Reigning like a Wormtongue,
Ostensible, initially.
As Balmer decided to grow
his patented portfolio
he took some occasions
to hint that the Asians
were liable, to someone else though.
The rumours of dissociations
distract us from core accusations:
The boss? Gad, he ain't in,
There's never been paintin'
nor UNIX secret combinations.
From flight plans, the smoking plane swerves
the passengers losing their nerves
zip up their jumpsuits
and grabbing parachutes,
pray Canopy packed a reserve.
From the place that McBride tried to speak, Lo!
there arises a new ivy-league schmo
to help Darl's kin
to plead in latin,
and not in latino, ¿Que RICO?
In limericks, he would disperse
allusions that made his foes curse.
But subpoenas soon came
with the claim to defame,
and the damages sought were per-verse.
April CC
Towards PJ's bottom he gropes,
a smearing campaign his last hopes.
His inurbane Legend
he's quick to allege and
it's not even mentioned on Snopes.
Though SCO was described by the louse
as transparent as Britney's blouse,
he only bemoans
it's no loss to throw stones
from inside a shattered glass house.
When wondering who would betray
its stockholders, left to de'fray
a fraudulent twisting,
just ask for de'listing
of those who can't run a 10-K.
While publishing spin from her pulpit,
she's barely distinct from the culprit.
So-called interventions
can't help when she mentions
"I don't drink the kool-aid, I gulp it."
"If the pig cannot sing, then makeup-it"
is the creed of a SCO Group sock-puppet:
"Though I'm not for one side,
does my butt look too wide
with Yarro's arm stuck so far up it?"
Cinco de Mayo
Code barons can keep their estates
where ignorance perpetuates,
and hope to restrain
the works of their brain,
surrounded by hedges and Gates.
Cooperate in the solution
to progress' moral dilution
while sharing new science
with those in alliance --
!Viva La Nueva Revolucion!
freecode
There once was a poster named freecode
who'd troller's identities decode
from desparate facts
he'd follow their tracks
collecting the dues that each freak owed.
From earliest days of SCO's nonsense
though many have come and have gone since,
in tireless debate
from the heart of his state,
he'd always portray his state's conscience.
SCO has their own judge and their jury,
it's only their lies that he'll bury.
Respect and compassion
come back into fashion
when freecode reminds us, "Don't worry,"
For Monterey, you want to sue.
On power, you hadn't a clue.
Some days it is tough
to get off your Duff
and with diligence do what is due.
<What must I do to get a better rec average?>
If no one on Yahoo objects
to cross-generational sex,
just out your old man,
and post your mom's can
and gather some Oedipus recs.
When starting the SCOSource hoodwink
SCO thought that the Nazgul would blink,
but worse things befell
when they slandered Novell
and SCOSource became a SCO sink.
A hyper-competitive fool
made Darl McBride into a tool
and attempted a sly con
with a clique of the Ikon
aquiring much ridicule.
Just what kind of kids can he foster,
who waits for his prey, to accost her?
Young deals needing closure
have perfect exposure
to the patent invention imposter.
It helps if one's in really tight
with a CEO never so bright,
then doctor a slide
prepared for McBride
suggesting, "Let's you and them fight."
"Out of our way!", the group cried,
and on legal extortion relied.
Some victims will flee
their announced barratry,
the others, they'll just sue-aside.
Unlike those you worked with before
who try to forget all the gore,
your autotomy ain't
making any here faint;
In fact, we'll be hoping for more.
Why offer a childish display?
Go critique your own resume,
for all that you did
isn't worth half a quid,
and the rest should be wrote off today.
Though justice is slow to be had,
we'll all feel a little more glad
when Dale has the guts
to subpoena Darl's nuts
and make them his new gavel pad.
The Epistemologist
The troll for a day makes a boast
but doesn't believe his own post.
So what is the diff
from our very own Biff?
(Except Biff lasts longer than most..)
He incites psychologically,
and annoys tautologically --
Biff could not make'em doubt
through the logical route,
so 'e pissed'em, illogically.
A mostly imagin'ry base
makes SCO Group's complex-valued case.
When it's all squared and done,
they'll have negative won
unless they decide to save phase.
I pull up my browser and see
some grokwars and deepy and T.
It's a scene I deplore.
Why won't Yahoo! ignore?
Forgot to log in, goodness me.
When FUD make some people confusable,
the judges' own words are reusable:
The bench was "astonished"
and SCO was admonished
for actions in court "inexcusable".
Despite all The SCO Group's deep-diving,
the FTP site kept reviving.
Will Darl blame himself
when the court looks at ELF,
and cites him for drunken deriving?
'Till after the deadline SCO slept
with every example close-kept,
but unlike Perry Mason,
got a magistrate's chasten;
SCO's dirtiest words had been Blepped!
Whatever got into these guys
the rest of us only surmise.
Is rhodium leaching
in Utah and reaching
municipal water supplies?
SCO's Tombstone
Here lies the remains of Suh-COX.
who specific discovery blocks,
and the millions of lines
that Blepp's briefcase enshrines
we now transfer into this pine box.
For years many shills have implored
us to think that SCO pines for the Fjord.
But while Linux was searched,
they were nailed to their perch;
It was only their lawyers who snored.
:) 2006, the Tubby Nuisance Network
"All wrongs preserved."
This page is in no way endorsed by The SCO Group. Any trademarks
referred to, including SCO, IBM, Rogaine, and others are the property
of their respective trademark holders.
I gratuitously correct spelling of the original postings,
and perform numerous tweaks: don't expect them to exactly match
what I posted in a hurry. I've also reordered some, to keep
a few topics together.
Pronunciation Guide: I realize that the Lindon crowd spell
out the letters "S C O" when pronouncing their company name.
For purposes of these limericks, verbalize it thusly: Narrow
your eyes as if you just saw a roach on your dinner plate.
Expel the single syllable "SCOH" as if you were a cat coughing
up a hairball. Extra points if you curl your lip afterward.
Don't get the jokes? Try hanging out at the Yahoo! SCOX message board.
Non-commercial reproduction of one or more
entire unaltered limerick(s) from this list
(as delimited by rule marks) with
credit to tubby@sharedserver.org is permitted.
DRM