Darl, Chris, and Blake walk into a bar..
The waitress says, "Darl, you have a telegram waiting, it's the quarter-end
results." Darl takes the telegram and tosses it with abandon onto the bar's grill,
where it bursts into flames.
The waitress comes back and says, "Darl, you have a phone call, it's an
industry analyst." Darl walks over to the phone, and while talking, he pivots
in a circle until the call is complete, then returns.
Finally, the waitress announces, "Darl, you have a fax coming in from IBM." Darl
gets up, and backs slowly toward the machine, rips off the page, and returns
to his seat.
Blake looks at Chris and says, "I understand the part where Darl habitually
cooks the numbers and spins a story, but what was that last thing?"
Chris says, "Oh that? He'll never ever face the fax."
Q: How many SCOX lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two:
One to stay the bulb
One to spin the real world
A: Four:
One to wait for a court order
One to fall asleep
One to claim the light was actually never necessary
One to change his underpants
A: Sixteen:
One to steal a Westinghouse lightbulb
One to change the name to Westinghouse Group
Fourteen to screw the bulb into the pooch
A: Three
One to steady the theoretical ladder
One to pretend it holds weight
One to ignore the ladder and throw 293 lightbulbs up hoping one sticks *somewhere*
Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw a Darl?
A: Zero, he's already screwed.
Q: How many SCOX Executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three:
One to announce $699 per photon licensing
One to denounce free light as unconstitutional and communist
One to claim the sun stole their fire
Q: How many CP80 founders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three:
One to blame the socket for the inappropriate content
One to lobby for sanctions for off-color lights
One to volunteer to personally check out all those nasty big bulbs
Top Ten Little-Known Commandments Broken By SCO et al.
10. Darl unto others as you would have them Darl unto you.
9. Thou shalt not start a land war without even a map through Asia.
8. Neither do men light a candle and put it in a briefcase.
7. Awake O ye (lawyers) who hath slumbered.
6. Thou shalt not take on the name of thy predecessors in vain.
5. Render unto Novell that which is Novell's.
4. Thou shalt not make public statements with the jawbone of an ass.
3. Blessed are the copyright holders, for they will have a 204(a) writing.
2. Locusts, boils, and plagues - I can handle for you; IBM lawyers - you're on your own.
1. I am Linus Torvalds, now GET OFF MY MOUNTAIN!
Top Ten Maureen O'Tabloid Headlines:
10. Elvis Spotted in IBM E-Mails!
9. Al Gore Rediscovers the Internet!
8. Crop Circles Infringe on RIAA Copyrights!
7. Young Darl Molested at Michael Jackson's Ranch!
6. Bill Gates Uses Secret Writings of Nostradamus!
5. Pamela Jones Responsible for Global Warming!
4. Weeping Image of Ada Lovelace Seen in Darl's Oatmeal!
3. Space Aliens Kidnapped SCO Evidence!
2. Prehistoric UNIX Licensee Found Frozen in Ice!
1. Scientists Clone Sheep, Microsoft Sales Rise!
And don't forget the Darl Drinking Game.
"All wrongs preserved."
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